Behind the Walls Talk

I am Larry Robinson; I have been incarcerated for 16 years. At the age of 26 now I am 43 years old, and currently serving a life sentence. I do not have any children. What went through my mind first when they read the verdict was the pain my mother felt. When she heard my verdict and yelled out “no not my baby!” Secondly how were they able to find me guilty with no physical evidence, no motive, or positive I.D., and why did my public defenders sell me out like that. My first year was bad because I was such a young man receiving all this time and not given the proper tools to process what I was going through. That led to me being written up and placed in the hole regularly. I feel cheated by the judicial system and everyone who supports a system whose main goal is to oppress and subjugate black people. I feel that rehabilitation is a farce they use to sell to the public to OK societal standards that afforded to everyone else but us, so the blame is placed on us for being incarcerated. I feel like I have been cheated by a so call American dream, that was never actually geared to me and people who look like me. Because our race was rigged before we started. There’s no such thing as being prepared or preparing to do a life sentence. That’s like waking up in the morning knowing it is a possibility that’ll you will be made to suffer a fate of knowing you will die alone away from everyone and everything you love. Because of something they think you did and it’s absolutely nothing you can do about it, no matter what fake resources that’s limited to a certain amount of people and certain standards. My family aids and assists me by just being a consistent rock in my life every day, enduring this struggle, fighting this fight with me, and not giving up on me. I have a great support system. They are always encouraging me and supporting my growth as a black man. Being that I am from out of town, I do not get visits regularly. They will not allow my wife on my visitation list; she is an outstanding citizen, but they simply deny her because they can since it is up to their discretion. The way that I remain positive is by knowing that I am innocent and there is still a chance of me coming home to be with my family. Plus, I will never allow these people to break me or make me conform to what they want me to be. My first couple of years were hard, I made it that way by not being able to cope with my reality at the time. You feel different things at moments through your sentence, hopeful, rejected, positive, negative, enduring, and weak. It just depends on the day and the effect of the rules in the prison you are in. Right now, I have a specialized janitor job, and have taken many classes like horticulture, commercial cleaning, brick masonry, advanced brick masonry, N/A, AA, writing class, art class and janitorial services. I am currently waiting for the hopes of them passing House Bill 126(MAPP) and House Bill 126 (prison sentence reduction) just like many others in here are. Since I have been incarcerated, I haven’t seen any good changes. They are making it harder to do time, there’s not enough programs for people with life sentences. The correctional officers are becoming more disrespectful, and their superiors are encouraging it. Prisons are breaking their own rules that is set up for them and do not have to answer to anyone. No one is advocating for those of us with a life sentence, who have less than a 1% chance of catching a minor infraction let alone a big one if allowed a second chance at life home in the streets. But the “career criminals: amongst others have the system dedicated to release them so they can keep a steady rotation to fill prison beds. Some of the ways that I stay positive are by practicing my religion, working out, staying away from politics with the C/O’s, keeping my distance from unfruitful guys, and remaining focused on getting out of here unscathed as my motivation. I am a Black man who was unable to see their potential and made a few bad choices in life, but I am not a bad person. I am someone’s brother, son, role model, husband, and a friend. I am more than a number. I’m human! I am any one of you who is reading this, who was stripped of being able to achieve the basic rights that white people have because of the color of my skin complexion and where I come from. I am who I am and that is not an offender, or a menace to society, and not an animal no matter how much they try to treat me or observe me as one. I am a loving and caring individual who should be afforded the same opportunities that a judge or district attorney would want for their own child. Look in the mirror because I am you, because I just want to live like you literally and figuratively. They said the Black man has perfected the art of being the best at being the worst. Well, they are wrong because I practice and strive everyday to be my best self with a life sentence and all.

CALL TO ACTION

To all the people from North Carolina who have a family member incarcerated understand one major point, WE, that are in here need all your help desperately. Yes, we appreciate dearly the money you put on our books and the visits. But that is not going to stop the injustice that’s being perpetrated against us as people. Hold your government responsible, your councilmen, and Governors and Senators that wouldn’t be in office if it was not for your votes. We need all of you to fight, not been given the proper tools, and is not made to be fair for us. The same thing that has happened to me and so many other people can happen to you, your husband, or even your child unless you help put an end to it. Just understand WE ALL NEED YOU!!