As the Co-founder of Behind the Walls Talk, it has come to my attention that I should speak about the perception I have about these men that I advocate for. Telling William about my feelings towards the guys after reading their stories or just talking to them on the phone, he said this is something people should hear about because I have such a different view than others in society. These men allow me to ask them questions, get into their mental health, and really build a relationship with them based on, one the love we all have for my fiancé and for two they love the fact that I stand up and fight for them. We are Comrades and are now a family. These men have let me into their world without knowing much about me. Pushing questions to them, making them reply to me LOL, and listening to gain and understanding of each of them as individuals. Gaining knowledge, wisdom, and understanding about laws, prison reform, and with them educating me even more on the system, they have so much to offer me and to others. They all have a story to tell, that is very different and unique that can only be told by them. Every time William would mention one of his friends, I would look them up to see what their charge(s) are. When I saw the guys with life sentences and putting it with the person I just talked with on the phone, it did not match up for me. Like the fact that we just had such great laughs, talking sports, and speaking about how our families are doing. The thought that one of us is locked up for life never crossed my mind. This piqued an interest for me, and I had to hear from them. I was driven to go there and find out straight from the horse’s mouth. Asking about second chances and what is it like to have a life sentence.
Cambridge defines perception as
- a belief or opinion, often held by many people and based on how things seem:
- the quality of being aware of things through the physical senses, especially sight:
- someone’s ability to notice and understand things that are not obvious to other people:
Society has a preconceived notion about men and women who are incarcerated. Like they are the worst of the worst. Not all of them in my opinion. The media, movies, and lawmakers have pushed the narrative that prisons make those of us in society safer. The media insight fear in us. But in all reality are we truly safer? Crime still exists and it is not getting any better. Insets a quote from one of my favorite books Are Prisons Obsolete by Angela Davis “Prison abolitionists are dis-missed as Utopians and idealists whose ideas are at best unrealistic and impracticable, and, at worst, mystifying and foolish. This is a measure of how difficult it is to envision a social order that does not rely on the threat of sequestering people in dreadful places designed to separate them from their communities and families. The prison is considered so “natural” that it is extremely hard to imagine life without it.”
Not many people take the time to even have a conversation with someone who is in prison. I had a family member say that she was scared because she never known anyone to date someone who is locked up. When I started posting our relationship more on social media. I asked if she knew him. Because we never had a conversation about my relationship or him. Being that she was calling him by name alias that I used to create him a Facebook page was enough to know she has no clue on who he is. During this conversation I had to ask her if she was fearful around my brother, a convicted felon, another cousin also a felon, and let me not forget about myself even though I am not a felon I do have a criminal record. Her answer was no. The only difference here is that she was not included in what we have going on and is not privileged to know anything about him. And I also stayed away from telling people what his conviction is, when asked my response will be “well it’s not for singing too loud on the choir”. Those who are not open-minded enough to even understand will automatically use his past against him. His information is now on the website for anyone to see, and that is ok.
Having the privilege to have these very difficult conversations with my brothers makes me emotional at times. Hearing about going through court proceedings, family and friends turning on you, getting sentenced, the crime(s) committed, apology letters, and death of loved one’s while being incarcerated is not easy. Witnessing the human side of these men is a true awakening moment for me. There are similarities in some of their stories. Family income, neighborhoods, who they hung with, and money. Some more of the factors that can increase the chances of a person going to prisons just a bit of added information,
- having been in out of home (foster) care
- receiving a poor school education
- being Indigenous
- having early contact with police
- having unsupported mental health and cognitive disability
- problematic alcohol and other drug use
- experiencing homelessness or unstable housing
- coming from or living in a disadvantaged location
Our brothers have some of the best personalities, great sense of humors, they are very smart, filled with knowledge, and are very strong people in every way.
Getting to know them and understand what has happen in their lives opened my eyes even more into a world that I not only was apart of but also studying, which lead to the reason why I do not use terms like inmate, offender, and other words that were created to dehumanize my community. I use their testimonies and life examples for them to have back their respect and dignity as men that they are. Their voice gives them back a human side in system that seeks to continue to oppress our family.
When you watch the news or if you are like me, I read it, and the reporters speak about prison news the headlines are always “Inmates” this or that. It is never men or women who are being house at this prison. If a tragedy happens like a death the news reports say the “Inmate” died and always seem to mention their crimes. The news will be geared more towards past crime(s) and not the actual issue at hand rather it is needing air conditioner, deaths, suicides, or many other prison related issues. They push the crime to the front, barely mentioning the names of these individuals. Just like the guy who just escaped (I do not know him) one news report read “The Christmas Day Killer”, I was like ok that is very important to know right, one man from the NCDAC wanted to say armed and dangerous but he couldn’t because he did not take anyone’s weapon, he said consider him dangerous. Headline “’He didn’t set off any red flags’: Hotel worker says escaped murderer blended in with other guests.” Was he supposed to have a tattoo saying hey I’m on the run and I murdered someone? He blended in with another guest, like is he some type of monstrosity looking person?
“Some hotel guests were on edge after hearing the news that a fugitive and convicted murderer was staying at the same hotel as them. However, those nerves are subsiding now that Alston is back in custody.” Why are y’all on edge after knowing he was there and didn’t threaten or even attempt to cause harm to anyone around him? You might have been in the swimming pool with someone who has just been released.
“It helps you sleep easier at night, knowing that you don’t have to look over your shoulder wondering what the next person is, or what they’re gonna do,” hotel guest Scott Krimminger said. You must blame movies and the news for how some of these people think. Years and years of this same narrative pushed into the mentals of society. God forbid your neighbor is transitional person and you are raising your family next door without you even knowing, sitting in the PTA meetings and heading out to work speaking to you every morning.
“He didn’t set off any red flags with me or anything like that,” Richardson said. “It’s scary knowing that they’re out and my question is, how did he escape the way he did?” Do they know everyone that you encounter throughout your day? Who do you sit next to in every restaurant, movie theater, cashier at the gas station, or the people you just walk by unnoticed? These types of statements are the very reason for why it is necessary to change the perception of society. To me this is just another example of the media pushing fear in our society. Now don’t get me wrong, there are times when you should fear but using it to continue to push the propaganda that prisons are keeping us safe is what I do not agree with.
Let me give examples of why I do not feel safer with all these prisons and feel safer with my brothers. I am an over the road truck driver, I have been chased through a parking lot, followed in truck stops, and driving down the , drivers have exposed the privates to me like it is welcomed or enjoyment from my end. How am I out here doing a job that I love, and this is happening? TikTok had some videos that went viral posing the question to women to choose between what they would feel safer around, the man or a bear. Surprisingly the amount of that women was picking the bear. Women felt that they will have a better chance with a bear in the woods over a man in society. Now I do have a stance on crimes against women and children. There are certain crimes that I will for stand with. But isn’t that interesting being that they said we are safer with a bear and not with these big expensive buildings that used our tax money to build, and they profit from.
“Each of us is more than the worst thing we’ve ever done” Bryan Stevenson, Just Mercy that quote has stuck with me for a long time.
Because if they were to measure me by the mistakes that I have made or the bad decision for the rest of my life I would be in the same place when I caught my charge at 17 years old. I feel that people can change and sometimes learn from their mistakes. All it takes is for someone to believe that and help you find the way. If given the chance, I would not have a criminal record. Friends, community, and just young people hanging out are the factors that contribute to my charge. Here I am at the age of 40 with a different outlook on life, children, a better job, focused on future goals, and building a life that I love. These guys, if they were afforded a second chance would be great neighbors to have. They went in immature and young without a clue, or have a better understanding on life, who they were themselves, and what they have to offer their family and community. I have so much respect for all our brothers behind the walls who show up every day with lots of hope, determination, dedication, and discipline to carry on. Listen, I do not think for one second that I could walk a day in their shoes, the reason I fight for them and the oppressive conditions that they are subject to because I wouldn’t want to have to live like that myself. We all are one bad decision away from death, prison, or a different life. So many people are stressed out, fed up with life, and angry at the world. It’s more important than ever when you’re out in the world breathe, because one bad decision, one random person can be the catalyst for you to go someplace more permanent. Just keep that in mind.
I will continue to lift my voice, spread information, push everything reform, email those in any position that can help create change, and stand with my family. The trust that each one of them has for me is not taken for granted at all. I am humbled to even be able to do this. There have been a couple of them that had to get used to hearing “I love you”, which for me I say to people that I love and have love for. One brother used to say ok you too and hang up. We found it so funny when he realized that it was ok to say I love you too and it was truthful. Respect the fact that he had to process this journey of thought to being able to give that back and just be open in that way.
This is where I am supposed to be right here with them. Not scared, never afraid, trusting them and them trusting me. The goal is to continue my attempts at changing society’s perception of the ones that I love, value, and care for. To always give them respect and gratitude for allowing me to be a vessel for them. A true family in such an unlikely situation. Blood doesn’t make you family, love does!
“Remember them as though you were in prison with them. And don’t forget those who are suffering. Remember them as though you were suffering with them.” Hebrews 13:3